Quiz: Are You Emotionally Unavailable? Based on 15 Signs

A detached person feels unempathetic towards others. Do you feel the same way? This emotional unavailability quiz will expose the truth.

Do you feel like you can’t become intimate with anyone? Do people often find you distant or avoidant? If yes, take this Emotional Unavailability Quiz for a reliable assessment. In fifteen questions, we determine if traumas or disorders are clogging your feelings or if you are totally fine and it’s the toxic people around you who’re abusing you.

How to Self-Test Emotional Unavailability

Look for the following signs:

• Lack of compassion. Emotionally unavailable people struggle with empathy.
• Fear of commitment. Toxic attachment style leads to trust issues. And trust issues create obligation phobia.
• Emotional indifference. When a person is emotionally unavailable, they feel numb. The mindset can be described as an unintended indifference to what others feel or think.
• Self-imposed isolation. When you fear intimacy, you prefer to avoid social situations, which isolates you.
• Shallow relationships. To a detached person, any deep relationship is anxiety-inducing, as it will eventually lead to commitment and responsibility.

The Why Behind Your Emotional Detachment

Emotionally unavailable people do have feelings. It’s just that they fail to put them into words—or even actions. Their primary struggle lies in a lack of emotional expressiveness. So, what causes this? What leads a person to become emotionally unavailable is attachment trauma.

Alan Robrage, a trauma therapist, explains that detachment serves as a defense mechanism developed to shield the individual from further emotional harm. In other words, you are cold, indifferent, and numb because you don’t want to feel broken, betrayed, or belittled again.

Love as an Emotionally Unavailable Person

Can a closed-off individual fall in love? Yes, it’s totally possible for emotionally unavailable people to feel affection. However, they might have a hard time confessing it or building a healthy relationship around this feeling that they have.

Ironically, detached people can sometimes develop overly nice personalities. Dr. Robarge elucidates that emotional unavailability can prompt individuals to assume a friendly and agreeable demeanor as a means to reduce conflicts. The rationale behind this is that by being amiable, one can avoid others’ emotional demands.

How to Become Emotionally Available

Here are five tips for developing a caring and empathetic personality:

1. Talk about emotions. Even if it seems impossible. Try to hold feelings as the topic of your conversations, and don’t run away from awkward emotional dialogues.
2. Name your emotions. Find proper vocabulary to describe your thoughts and feelings. Don’t expect your loved ones to guess them.
3. Quit the problem-solver persona. When someone is venting to you, be a listener, not an advisor.
4. Learn active listening. Empathy is a skill, not a divine gift. If you don’t have it, develop it through practice. Next time someone’s trying to express an emotion, listen closely and non-judgmentally and strive to understand.
5. Refer to previous conversations. An empathetic person recalls details about others’ emotions. Add snippets of your memories to the conversation to let the person know that you care.

Emotional Unavailability Quiz: A Sneak Peek into Your Suppressed Feelings

You find yourself here for one of two reasons: either someone has labeled you as emotionally unavailable, or you’re concerned that your emotional numbness could indicate something more serious. Regardless, you’re in the right place. The Emotional Unavailability Quiz is designed to assist in self-assessing your current state of mind.

After this, you may also consider taking the Abandonment Issues Test. This assessment delves deeper into your traumas to help uncover your emotional struggles.

Questions of the quiz

• 1
  Is talking about your emotions difficult for you?
  

  • Not at all. I like that

  • It’s been a bit challenging lately

  • Yes, it has always been challenging

  • I can’t talk about emotions. Not at all

• 2
  How easy is it for you to relate to other people’s emotions?
  

  • Pretty easy. I’d say I’m quite empathetic

  • I used to be more empathetic

  • I find it difficult to understand others’ emotions

  • Sometimes, I feel like I’ve never felt empathy before

• 3
  What do you think of commitment?
  

  • I value it

  • I find it a bit stressful these days

  • I find it unnecessary

  • I’ve never been able to commit to something

• 4
  In your opinion, what first impression do you leave on people?
  

  • Friendly

  • Confident

  • Introverted

  • Aggressive

• 5
  Score your "emotional numbness" on a scale of 0 to 5.
  

  • 0 (I’m not emotionally numb)

  • 1-2 (slightly numb)

  • 3-4 (I’m lost)

  • 5 (I feel no emotions)

• 6
  How would you describe the social aspect of your life?
  

  • Active

  • Slightly inactive

  • Completely inactive

  • I’ve never had a social life

• 7
  Do you consider yourself ready for "physical intimacy?"
  

  • Yes, I love the idea of being intimate with my lover

  • Not really. It makes me a bit anxious lately

  • IDK. Intimacy sounds complicated and confusing

  • No. I’ve never felt ready for that

• 8
  How do you react to feedback?
  

  • I like it. I’m open to criticism

  • I don’t have the capacity for that these days

  • I never liked feedback

  • I never receive any feedback

• 9
  Are you in a deep romantic relationship right now?
  

  • Yes I am

  • No, but I’m trying to bond with someone

  • I was, but we’re separated now

  • No, I’ve never been in a romantic relationship

• 10
  What’s clogging your emotions?
  

  • Nothing. I’m at ease with them

  • Fear and anxiety, I guess

  • Past traumas and distrust

  • I have no idea. Maybe I don’t have any emotions

• 11
  How would you assess your "emotion" vocabulary?
  

  • Rich (I can express my emotions with ease)

  • Moderate (I know how to express myself)

  • Poor (I can’t express my feelings)

  • Non-existent (I don’t know how to talk about emotions)

• 12
  Do you find it easy to express and demand your needs in a relationship?
  

  • Yes, I’m good at that

  • I used to be better at that

  • No, it’s a huge challenge for me

  • I’ve never demanded anything emotional

• 13
  Have you ever initiated a deep conversation about your friend or partner’s emotions?
  

  • Yes, I do that all the time

  • Yes, but I can’t do that these days

  • Nope. I avoid those awkward conversations

  • I’ve never done that. Why would I?

• 14
  How do you react when someone is venting?
  

  • I listen to them and try to be supportive

  • It depends on my mood and situation

  • I often pretend to be listening

  • I ask them to stop because it bothers me

• 15
  What type of listener are you?
  

  • Active

  • Passive

  • Reactive

  • I don’t know