Last Updated November 9th, 2022

100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much?

Why Do We Argue So Much

This quiz will help you find a helpful answer to “Why do we argue so much?” You’re not the only couple who’s bickering. Answer 20 simple questions to reveal.

Why Do We Argue So Much as a Couple?

Absurd arguments in relationships are mostly a result of unfair criticism, disrespectful comments, lack of communication, and overreaction without reflection. Basically, you enter an argument cycle because you can’t criticize, respect, and understand each other.

The table shows common reasons why US couples argue, according to a YouGovAmerica survey.

Argument Reasons Commonness
The tone of voice or attitude 39%
Money 28%
Communication styles 26%
Household chores 21%
Relationships with immediate and extended family 20%
Quality time spent together 17%
Life decisions 15%
Health or lifestyle decisions 13%

 

Is It Bad That You Fight with Your Partner?

Bickering or arguing with your partner is not necessarily bad. As Jordan Peterson, a regarded psychologist, states, “A real relationship is a wrestling match that you both emerge and transform from.” But a cycle of toxic conflicts might damage your relationship.

This Quiz Reveals the Reason You’re Bickering

Whether they start over petty matters or critical issues, arguments erode your love. They make you wonder, “Am I happy in my relationship?”

But the quiz on this page could end the confusion. It’s a series of couples counseling-inspired questions to root out the causes of your disagreements, helping you repair them.

The 4 Main Causes of Argument Cycles

World-renowned psychotherapist, Esther Perel, believes that couples’ arguments have three categories: Power and control, closeness and care, and respect and recognition.

She suggests that most partners fail to stop fighting because they attack, blame, and defend without attending, appreciating, and acknowledging.

The following are the whys behind your endless disputes.

1.    You criticize personality, not actions.

If you constantly condemn your lover’s personality instead of their actions, you’ll create an argument cycle—that’s unlikely to end.

Try “I” statements in your complaints. Rather than “You are an ignorant person,” say, “I’d love you to show more affection.”

2.   You don’t respect each other.

Mean, or hateful comments leave unrecoverable emotional or psychological wounds. If you want your arguments to end, ditch them.

Not only isn’t disrespectfulness going to help you, but it will also decrease the romance in your relationship. No one wants to spend time or sleep with the person who breaks your heart when mad.

Whatever you do, don’t insult your lover.

3.   You blindly defend yourself and avoid listening.

Sometimes, you must step back and ask yourself, “why am I so defensive?” Many arguments seem eternal simply because you’re too concerned with proving your innocence.

Defensiveness complicates listening to your partner. It puts you in a situation where you deny before understanding and protest without empathy.

To end the argument cycle, let your guard down.

4.  You don’t react or respond.

Stonewalling is ignoring the arguments to demonstrate you’ve had enough. But silence treatment has proven to be a toxic communication style. It gradually separates you and your partner, leaving you with no common concern to talk about.

No matter how challenging, talk to your spouse or lover. Let them know that you care.

How to Stop Arguing So Much?

Express your primary emotion, respect your partner while arguing, be open about your needs, and ensure you come to an agreement. That’s how you can stop arguing over the same topics.

It also helps to ask yourself, “What do I want?” and make it broader by thinking, “What do we want?”

If you’re in a relationship where your partner refuses to reflect on their actions and acknowledge their responsibility, try couples therapy or counseling.

Remember, arguments happen between two people. And it’s not one person’s job to fix them. It takes two.

Take the Test for More

Now you’re ready to find out why you argue so much. The current test examines the 20 common reasons couples fight to analyze your relationship.

To make the results as helpful as possible, we’ve also included expert advice.

 

Disclaimer

“Why do we argue so much?” is an educational and entertaining quiz. It is not meant to replace clinical or expert assistance. Please, consider talking to a couple’s counselor before making any decisions or reacting to the results.

Questions of the quiz

  • Question 1

    How would you describe your arguments?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 1
    • Calm and respectful

    • Unnecessary and petty

    • Emotionally or mentally hurtful

    • Short and unresolved

    • Loud or violent

  • Question 2

    How do your fights often end?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 2
    • We talk it out and come to a mutual agreement.

    • We pretend nothing happened and move on.

    • Someone takes the blame and apologizes.

    • We ignore each other for a while.

    • We break up for a while.

  • Question 3

    Which one is most likely to cause bickering?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 3
    • The tone of voice or attitude

    • Unnecessary criticism

    • Money or household chores.

    • Lack of intimacy or attention

    • All of them

  • Question 4

    What’s usually your first reaction to an argument?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 4
    • I try to express my emotions calmly.

    • I try to defend myself and prove my innocence.

    • I criticize my partner.

    • I use the silent treatment to calm my partner down.

    • I yell or do intimidating things.

  • Question 5

    What is the red line in your arguments?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 5
    • We never disrespect each other.

    • We never force each other to apologize.

    • We don’t get our families involved.

    • We don’t force each other to talk about our problems.

    • We don’t have any red lines (or none of the above).

  • Question 6

    What’s your priority as soon as an argument breaks out?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 6
    • To calm down and listen

    • To defend my actions or decisions.

    • To point out my partner’s mistakes.

    • To avoid saying things that I’d regret.

    • To let my anger out.

  • Question 7

    What do you do after a fight?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 7
    • I talk to my partner and hug them.

    • I ensure that we know whose fault it was.

    • I ask my partner to rethink their actions.

    • I spend some time alone and ignore my partner.

    • I wait for a sincere apology.

  • Question 8

    What type of agreement would satisfy you after an argument?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 8
    • A mutual agreement that satisfies both of us.

    • An agreement that concludes who was right or wrong.

    • A strict agreement that stops the problem forever.

    • I don’t believe in agreements.

    • A fair agreement with proper punishments.

  • Question 9

    What’s the first thought that comes to your mind after bickering?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 9
    • I miss my partner and feel lonely.

    • I feel hurt and misunderstood.

    • I feel attacked.

    • I feel numb and disgusted.

    • I feel irritated and ready to burst into anger.

  • Question 10

    Are you fighting over the same topics?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 10
    • No, not really.

    • Yes, we do.

    • My partner does.

    • I’m not sure.

    • It doesn’t matter anymore.

  • Question 11

    Which statement do you agree with?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 11
    • My partner cares about my needs.

    • My partner thinks I’m needy.

    • My partner doesn’t understand my needs.

    • My partner ignores my needs.

    • My partner hates me and my needs.

  • Question 12

    Who starts most of the arguments in your relationship?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 12
    • It depends. We both sometimes do.

    • My partner does.

    • My partner believes I do.

    • I don’t even care. But it’s probably me.

    • I have never even once started an argument.

  • Question 13

    What’s something about your partner that irritates you?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 13
    • There’s nothing specific that I can think of.

    • They always accuse me of being wrong.

    • They constantly criticize my personality or choices.

    • They don’t show affection.

    • They yell or disrespect me when mad.

  • Question 14

    How do you feel when an argument seems likely?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 14
    • I feel calm. It’s not a big deal.

    • I feel like I’m going to get emotionally hurt again.

    • I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong and don’t deserve this.

    • I feel like I need to end this relationship.

    • I feel like I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

  • Question 15

    Which one could stop your fights?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 15
    • A deep and calm conversation.

    • A sincere apology.

    • A gift.

    • Time.

    • None of them.

  • Question 16

    How often do you argue with your partner?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 16
    • Once a month or so

    • Once a week

    • A couple of times per week

    • We don’t argue anymore.

    • Almost every day.

  • Question 17

    What do you think of marriage or couples counseling?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 17
    • It sounds helpful.

    • I don’t need it.

    • My partner needs it.

    • I don’t believe in it.

    • I hate the idea.

  • Question 18

    Which one fixes most of your issues?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 18
    • Love

    • Logic

    • Money

    • Time

    • Sex

  • Question 19

    How easy is it for you to state your needs in the relationship?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 19
    • It’s pretty easy.

    • It’s not that easy.

    • It’d be easier if my partner weren’t so aggressive.

    • It’s challenging.

    • It’s almost impossible.

  • Question 20

    Final question, how long have you been together?

    100% Helpful Quiz: Why Do We Argue So Much? 20
    • 5 years or more

    • 3-4 years

    • 1-2 years

    • A couple of months

    • A couple of weeks

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