This quiz will help you find a helpful answer to “Why do we argue so much?” You’re not the only couple who’s bickering. Answer 20 simple questions to reveal.
Why Do We Argue So Much as a Couple?
Absurd arguments in relationships are mostly a result of unfair criticism, disrespectful comments, lack of communication, and overreaction without reflection. Basically, you enter an argument cycle because you can’t criticize, respect, and understand each other.
The table shows common reasons why US couples argue, according to a YouGovAmerica survey.
|The tone of voice or attitude
|Relationships with immediate and extended family
|Quality time spent together
|Health or lifestyle decisions
Is It Bad That You Fight with Your Partner?
Bickering or arguing with your partner is not necessarily bad. As Jordan Peterson, a regarded psychologist, states, “A real relationship is a wrestling match that you both emerge and transform from.” But a cycle of toxic conflicts might damage your relationship.
This Quiz Reveals the Reason You’re Bickering
Whether they start over petty matters or critical issues, arguments erode your love. They make you wonder, “Am I happy in my relationship?”
But the quiz on this page could end the confusion. It’s a series of couples counseling-inspired questions to root out the causes of your disagreements, helping you repair them.
The 4 Main Causes of Argument Cycles
World-renowned psychotherapist, Esther Perel, believes that couples’ arguments have three categories: Power and control, closeness and care, and respect and recognition.
She suggests that most partners fail to stop fighting because they attack, blame, and defend without attending, appreciating, and acknowledging.
The following are the whys behind your endless disputes.
1. You criticize personality, not actions.
If you constantly condemn your lover’s personality instead of their actions, you’ll create an argument cycle—that’s unlikely to end.
Try “I” statements in your complaints. Rather than “You are an ignorant person,” say, “I’d love you to show more affection.”
2. You don’t respect each other.
Mean, or hateful comments leave unrecoverable emotional or psychological wounds. If you want your arguments to end, ditch them.
Not only isn’t disrespectfulness going to help you, but it will also decrease the romance in your relationship. No one wants to spend time or sleep with the person who breaks your heart when mad.
Whatever you do, don’t insult your lover.
3. You blindly defend yourself and avoid listening.
Sometimes, you must step back and ask yourself, “why am I so defensive?” Many arguments seem eternal simply because you’re too concerned with proving your innocence.
Defensiveness complicates listening to your partner. It puts you in a situation where you deny before understanding and protest without empathy.
To end the argument cycle, let your guard down.
4. You don’t react or respond.
Stonewalling is ignoring the arguments to demonstrate you’ve had enough. But silence treatment has proven to be a toxic communication style. It gradually separates you and your partner, leaving you with no common concern to talk about.
No matter how challenging, talk to your spouse or lover. Let them know that you care.
How to Stop Arguing So Much?
Express your primary emotion, respect your partner while arguing, be open about your needs, and ensure you come to an agreement. That’s how you can stop arguing over the same topics.
It also helps to ask yourself, “What do I want?” and make it broader by thinking, “What do we want?”
If you’re in a relationship where your partner refuses to reflect on their actions and acknowledge their responsibility, try couples therapy or counseling.
Remember, arguments happen between two people. And it’s not one person’s job to fix them. It takes two.
Take the Test for More
Now you’re ready to find out why you argue so much. The current test examines the 20 common reasons couples fight to analyze your relationship.
To make the results as helpful as possible, we’ve also included expert advice.
“Why do we argue so much?” is an educational and entertaining quiz. It is not meant to replace clinical or expert assistance. Please, consider talking to a couple’s counselor before making any decisions or reacting to the results.
How to Play?
Playing personality quizzes is straightforward: Choose the option that’s true about you—or you relate to—and select “Next.” Unlike trivia quizzes, personality tests have no right or wrong answers. But the questions are in forced-choice format. The point is to push you to choose an option that makes the most sense, not the one that’s 100% true. For the most accurate results, don’t overthink your responses. Go with options that you “feel” are the best.
Questions of the quiz
- 1How would you describe your arguments?
Calm and respectful
Unnecessary and petty
Emotionally or mentally hurtful
Short and unresolved
Loud or violent
- 2How do your fights often end?
We talk it out and come to a mutual agreement.
We pretend nothing happened and move on.
Someone takes the blame and apologizes.
We ignore each other for a while.
We break up for a while.
- 3Which one is most likely to cause bickering?
The tone of voice or attitude
Money or household chores.
Lack of intimacy or attention
All of them
- 4What’s usually your first reaction to an argument?
I try to express my emotions calmly.
I try to defend myself and prove my innocence.
I criticize my partner.
I use the silent treatment to calm my partner down.
I yell or do intimidating things.
- 5What is the red line in your arguments?
We never disrespect each other.
We never force each other to apologize.
We don’t get our families involved.
We don’t force each other to talk about our problems.
We don’t have any red lines (or none of the above).
- 6What’s your priority as soon as an argument breaks out?
To calm down and listen
To defend my actions or decisions.
To point out my partner’s mistakes.
To avoid saying things that I’d regret.
To let my anger out.
- 7What do you do after a fight?
I talk to my partner and hug them.
I ensure that we know whose fault it was.
I ask my partner to rethink their actions.
I spend some time alone and ignore my partner.
I wait for a sincere apology.
- 8What type of agreement would satisfy you after an argument?
A mutual agreement that satisfies both of us.
An agreement that concludes who was right or wrong.
A strict agreement that stops the problem forever.
I don’t believe in agreements.
A fair agreement with proper punishments.
- 9What’s the first thought that comes to your mind after bickering?
I miss my partner and feel lonely.
I feel hurt and misunderstood.
I feel attacked.
I feel numb and disgusted.
I feel irritated and ready to burst into anger.
- 10Are you fighting over the same topics?
No, not really.
Yes, we do.
My partner does.
I’m not sure.
It doesn’t matter anymore.
- 11Which statement do you agree with?
My partner cares about my needs.
My partner thinks I’m needy.
My partner doesn’t understand my needs.
My partner ignores my needs.
My partner hates me and my needs.
- 12Who starts most of the arguments in your relationship?
It depends. We both sometimes do.
My partner does.
My partner believes I do.
I don’t even care. But it’s probably me.
I have never even once started an argument.
- 13What’s something about your partner that irritates you?
There’s nothing specific that I can think of.
They always accuse me of being wrong.
They constantly criticize my personality or choices.
They don’t show affection.
They yell or disrespect me when mad.
- 14How do you feel when an argument seems likely?
I feel calm. It’s not a big deal.
I feel like I’m going to get emotionally hurt again.
I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong and don’t deserve this.
I feel like I need to end this relationship.
I feel like I want to scream at the top of my lungs.
- 15Which one could stop your fights?
A deep and calm conversation.
A sincere apology.
None of them.
- 16How often do you argue with your partner?
Once a month or so
Once a week
A couple of times per week
We don’t argue anymore.
Almost every day.
- 17What do you think of marriage or couples counseling?
It sounds helpful.
I don’t need it.
My partner needs it.
I don’t believe in it.
I hate the idea.
- 18Which one fixes most of your issues?
- 19How easy is it for you to state your needs in the relationship?
It’s pretty easy.
It’s not that easy.
It’d be easier if my partner weren’t so aggressive.
It’s almost impossible.
- 20Final question, how long have you been together?
5 years or more
A couple of months
A couple of weeks